Category: sarcasm

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. I totally believe that.

I’m always showing off to my mates that I can’t afford the latest iphone.

I won a prize draw for a free tank of petrol. I told them I’d prefer 1,000 cash.

I’ve just heard on the radio a story in Scotland where a family have had their children taken into care because the parents are over weight and social services fear for the childrens safety. What are they going to do? Eat them?

My fat, ugly wife rang the police, “I’m being stalked… I want 24hr protection.” “We’ll be there shortly ma’am” they said. I don’t think they took it too seriously though. Ten minutes later there was a noise outside, she opened the door and found a can of Sure on the mat.

Did you know that Adele almost featured in the video for ‘California Gurls’? Yeah, a fat girl in a make-believe candy land, that was always gonna end well.

Besides my birthday and christmas day,this is the one day of the year I look forward to the most. British summer time.

Im such a emotional guy, I got through a whole box of tissues while watching brokeback mountain..

“The death of a 10-year-old boy who was found hanging in woods appeared to be a ‘tragic accident’,” police have said. Yes, I can empathise with that, I remember walking home at night once and almost stumbling into a field of noose trees, nearly went headfirst into one, at least they could put up warning […]

I just had a Bulmers No. 37…. I really should have stopped after no. 36 because I can’t remember where I live.

My wife said she’s leaving me because I’m a “self-loving narcissist”. Jokes on her, ‘self-loving narcissist’ is redundant. I wouldn’t have made that mistake.

Police are using thermal imaging cameras to search for raves in Kent. I guess it’s pretty hard to see 34 strobe lights, hear a 20k sound system and smell half of Morocco burning.

I self harmed at the weekend. I got married.

So, after Robbie Williams, Amy Winehouse and many others, Ricky Hatton is the latest celebrity millionaire to be suffering from depression. I really do feel sorry for him, how lucky I am to have a totally worry free life.

Don’t worry, Summer will soon be here, I think it will fall on a Wednesday this year.