Category: sarcasm

A police investigation has found that counterfeiters have doubled the number of 1 coins that they forge every year. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just start making 2 coins?

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can. Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!

Liverpool have a great scouting system don’t they? They scout the whole of Brazil (a country with 200,000,000 people), and they managed to find Lucas.

Life without sarcasm would be amazing.

Carbon footprint ad: ‘Drive 5 miles less and reduce your carbon footprint’ good advice… but how exactly do I get to work?

Had an interview today where I was asked what my greatest strength was. Apparently ‘only about 80kg’ wasn’t the answer they were looking for.

So England v Holland tomorrow has been postponed. It’s funny how the Ghana v Nigeria match at Watford hasn’t been cancelled if it had there would’ve been riots everywhere!!

I don’t know whether to like my mates bird. She’s ugly, controlling and worst of all, her voice is annoying. On the up side. every time I see her, my self esteem rises just that little bit.

George Bush : “Suicide bombers: we are gonna find you – and we’re gonna make sure you don’t do it again…”

I’m not saying it’s hot but I just saw a Goth taking his coat off.

Now over to ITV for the Formula 1 Highlights – – The races starts, – Vettel wins.

My mother rang me before and asked, ‘Son, im just making sure you have July 24th in your diary?’ ‘Of course I have, it’s a diary.’

Getting a free cuddly toy is definitely going to be the clincher when deciding who to renew your outrageously expensive car insurance with. Masterstroke there, comparethemarket.com

Dropped my phone down the toilet. Thankfully it’s a Nokia so it didn’t flush.

Tomorrow on Famous and Fearless, one of the ‘scary challenges’ is where the celebrities have to close their eyes and randomly select a Revel. Imagine what would happen if someone got a coffee? Thank God Chris Evans will be there to drag it out for the rest of my life.