Category: sarcasm

Phew, that’s a relief The timer almost ran out on my chance to win a free laptop. It’s like they know that my current one keeps collecting viruses…

I’ve decided to do a spot of painting today, then i’m gonna watch it dry well i need a bit of excitement after the match last night

The wife suggested we go for a night out somewhere because we haven’t been out for ages. She said “How about going to the dogs one night?”. I said “Good idea, but I don’t really want to spend an evening round your mothers.”

The person who cancels it will be my American Idol.

I didn’t get the job with the Council Racial Equalities Department. Because ‘Being a white person’ makes me unable to relate to racial inequality issues.

My Girlfriend and I were watching television earlier when she said to me, “Don’t you think it’s unfair that when a man sleeps with many women he’s called a stud… but when a woman sleeps around with a lot of men she’s called a slag?” After five seconds or so of silence she said to […]

Sky News- “Crocodile Dundee Star Banned From Leaving Oz” Doesn’t he realise he just has to click his heels together and say ‘There’s no place like home’?

London 2012: Because terrorists need provoking.

Did you see that really good episode of the X-Factor last week? Me neither

I might go and see the Muppets tonight. Anybody know what time their flight arrives from Milan?

I bought some pyjamas off the internet, and when I got them I found they had pockets. Which is great, because now I no longer have to hold things when I’m asleep.

They’ve just brought out non-alcoholic Cider… Now correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s Apple Juice!

I was wondering what that strange thing in the air was today, that blew my coffee over and made me lose my cigarette on my break at work. But thanks to my friends on Facebook with status updates, I have now found out it is windy outside.

A judge has ruled that the SFA had ‘no right to impose a transfer embargo on Rangers FC.’ I suppose he’s right. After all, it was only 20 years of tax evasion.

In the news ‘five year old girl loses leg to menangitis, now a kickboxer’ Should read: ‘parents love media attention, more than their daughter’