Category: sarcasm

BBC News: Expert says “High tackles and scrums should be banned from Rugby” If they are an “Expert” they will know that high tackles are banned!!

Yahoo News: “10 restaurants where you can watch the stars” What if it’s daytime?

A staff member at Royal Mail had a birthday party last week, and me and a group of friends were invited. We turned up bearing no cards of gifts, just to show him what it feels like.

Terrorist? There’s an app for that. It’s called the ‘London Heathrow airport guide’. Good thinking Heathrow, good thinking.

Why was Paul Bearer on Question Time last night?

The government has announced they will spend 150,000,000 on kitchens to help fight obesity. Isn’t that like opening brothels to help fight promiscuity?

I’m lead singer of a group called Bandwagon. We cover jokes.

Tina Turner : “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?” Going by your logic Tina, we don’t need arms or legs.

BBC News: “The most comprehensive statistics published so far on the August riots in England show that those who took part were poorer, younger and of lower educational achievement than average” They really hit the nail on the head with this one…

Apparently the only question you can’t answer truthfully is ‘are you asleep?’. I suspect ‘are you dead?’ is also quite a tricky one.

I had a really happy childhood with lots of friends, nice holidays, always doing exciting things and had an all round good upbringing. And that’s why I’ll never win an Olympic medal.

Where can you find an honest pikey? In a Tolkien novel.

My Boss is leaving work in a few weeks. She asked me am I going to miss her. I said yeah, just like the Fritzl kids miss their Dad.

Why are the toilets at a petrol pump always shut? Because if their open, someone might clean them.

“Yes indeed Elephant Man. The cowl over your head with a hat worn on top, is a terrific way of not drawing attention to yourself. Go for it!”