Category: sarcasm

My wife and I are going out with some of her friends tonight and I have to say, I’m so excited that I can hardly contain my sarcasm.

I’m the person that keep’s leaving full basket’s of shopping at shop checkout’s. Take that Tesco.com

BBC NEWS: “Inside secret Taliban Tunnels” What a way to keep it a secret, put it on a global news website.

Apparently if you eat too much of one food, it will change your skin colour to match I don’t believe it though, if it was true then Africans would all be invisible

Nuromol: “It took our scientists years to create a new unique painkiller combination.” You’ve mixed paracetamol and ibuprofen. Yea, well done geniuses.

I don’t need to use Sickidates to find Mrs Wrong. I’m already married.

SKY NEWS: Human Feet Found On Riverbank ‘Not Linked’ Well, no, otherwise it would have been a torso…

Following the death of the 16 year old girl shot at a London takeaway, a post-mortem examination has given the cause of death as a gunshot wound. That’ll soon clear up all those conspiracies of a new super intelligent species of flying, metallic, flesh eating beetle.

I said to my wife over breakfast this morning, “If I was on death row and I had to request a last meal, it would definitely be one of yours.” “Awwww, really?” she smiled. “Of course,” I replied. “They wouldn’t need to bother with the lethal injection then.”

Libyan dictator Col. Gaddafi had been on the run for 2 months. He was shot today, in Libya. Now I don’t know much about being on the run, but I know there’s something fundamentally wrong there.

You can’t get quicker than a Kwik Fit fitter. Which is great because, when looking for crucial repairs and modifications on a vehicle to which I entrust my life daily, I’d definitely take speed over quality every time.

My girlfriend asked me if I could discribe her using only one word, “Thats easy” I said “Well what is it?” she replied “I already told you” was apparently not an appropriate response.

Yahoo News: “Derry awaits City of Culture result from Liverpool” It’s not like Scousers to take their time handing over something they shouldn’t have had in the first place.

Yo Mamma jokes, what’s so funny about that? I’m sure an American would not find them at all funny if we translated them to proper English … ‘Your Mother is extremely overweight, because one possibly eats too much’

Been nowhere. Done nothing. Stole the t-shirt.