Category: sarcasm

I love the Cornetto McFlurry. For so long I’ve wondered how the Cornetto could possibly be improved and finally McDonald’s have provided the answer to my question: Simply replace the tasty chocolate filled cone with a disposable paper cup. Delicious.

I want to be rich and famous. I want more money than I can spend, and I want looks of adoration wherever I go. I want this to be for something worthwhile. I want to have a family, a gorgeous wife and three beautiful children. I want to give them everything I never had, not […]

News reader- “Melted snow could freeze and turn to ice” Looks like someone has a degree in chemistry

I had that horrible thing happen yesterday when I bought something from the shop only to find it was out of date when I got home. It was the new Peter Kay DVD.

Thank god for the ‘Playstation Move’. I’ve been waiting for a remote which gives users the opportunity to control a game through physical movement. I wonder where the idea came from?

Don’t worry If you miss the Sarah Millican show tonight. She will be be using variations of the same joke for the next six weeks.

On my way to work this morning I tripped over some disgusting old wino lying on the pavement. He demanded an apology. ‘Sorry, Dad’

I went into my local bank today and said to the blonde clerk, ‘How much is 500 euros in sterling?’ ‘The same as it’s worth anywhere else in the U.K ‘ She replied.

Just read a book called ‘Lazy journalism and how to steal jokes from sick joke websites’. Or todays ‘Sun’ as it’s also known.

The young boy who died in a tumble dryer has been described as ‘soft, delicate and gentle’ by his parents. I’m not suprised, any child would be the same after a 30 minute spin with half a bottle of Lenor fabric softener.

News: The Irish water crisis continues. Imagine how tragic it would be if the Irish had to start drinking copious amounts of alcohol to deal with their problems.

Chris Moyles is leaving radio 1? In terms of sad days for me, this is right up there with the death of Jade Goody.

I love it that a lot of pubs are now putting on ‘live DJ’s’ at the weekends. I find them so much better than the dead variety.

Well my girlfriends pregnant again. She says if she was “big at the front”, then it would have been a boy. But because she’s “big all round”, that means it’s a girl. I said, “So have you been carrying her for the past 10 years then?”

I have an idea for filling up those empty seats at the Olympics. Why not fill them up with people who want to see the events… a radical concept I know but sometimes you have to think outside the box.