Category: sarcasm

Comic Relief and Walkers Crisps have teamed up to raise money by using celebrities with witty names for their flavours: Stephen Fry Up Jimmy con Carrne Steak and Al Pie Frank Roast Dinner You know why they never chose David Seaman? Because he’s a footballer not a comedian.

MasterCard: “There are some things money can’t buy.” Like defence?

Yahoo: What happened to the Lost Boys? I think the answer lies in the question.

Being a woman involves spending half of your time being lost, and the other half, getting there.

Rather than saying, “And here’s your receipt,” cashiers should say, “Will you throw this away for me?”

Wheelchair basket-baller breaks leg. Well that must have hurt.

Sometimes I like to go up to people in wheelchairs and softly whisper “Natural Selection” in their ear.

Sky Sports News: Haye lost because of a broken toe. Fair play to him; I once broke a toe and I couldnt punch for weeks…

I asked my mechanic how long he had been in the trade, and he said “340 years”. When I asked him how was that possible, he replied “That is just the estimate”.

Statistically, 3/4 of an injured soldier won’t appreciate Jimmy Carr’s joke.

BBC News – Artist Tracey Emin has said she is thinking of leaving the UK in protest about being overtaxed. Finally. A Labour Policy that has benefited the people!

PCSO is an anagram of COPS. Which ironically, is about as close as they will get to becoming one.

Sarcasm – The ability to insult idiots without them realizing.

In other news, scientists are trying to figure out if those who believed the recent McDonald’s hoax have an IQ above 18.

Al-Qaeda must be reeling after the death of Bin Laden. Where on earth will they find another bearded Muslim extremist to replace him?