Category: sarcasm

A hacker has been targeting internet users on the Isle of Man, telephoning them and attempting to gain control of their computers. Police have warned them both to be careful.

Friend of mine asked me is a rhetorical question one that doesnt require an answer. I replied ‘What do you think?’

What does lightning and a female Chinese boxers punches have in common. Only one in a million strike you.

“It’s amazing how much a man changes when he’s trying to impress a lady” my wife said. “True” I replied “but if I knew what you’d turn out like after I married you I wouldn’t have bothered with clean underwear or socks!”

Yahoo: “Clegg ‘wrestled with conscience’ over cuts” Luckily, his conscience was weak enough to be soundly defeated.

My mate told me today; “You’ll never get a girl if you stay on that computer all the time.” Tell that to my Runescape girlfriend.

I finally found the true meaning of xmas today. It’s for people who can’t spell Christmas.

Ricky Gervais is in trouble for calling downs syndrome people a ‘mong’ on twitter…. I suppose no one is used to him actually saying something funny.

I can’t help but wonder how Bovril happened. At what point was anyone looking at tea and thinking “This isn’t meaty enough.”?

Here’s an idea for in the future Greggs.Why not put a sticker on your ham salad sandwiches along the lines of : “May or may not contain traces of ham”

I’ve got to hand it to those responsible for the way they’ve handled the recent riots. Postponing the start of the football season will definitely settle things down.

“Jo Yeates’ body was missing sock.” And, more importantly, a pulse.

Think I might spend the evening watching the snooker final… Or should I sit in a darkened room with a rope around my neck masturbating in my own self-pity…? Tough decision.

I told my mum I’ve been cycling into work for a couple of years now she said ‘you wanna be careful on those main roads’ wow, she’s opened my eyes to a whole new world of safety and caution.

My wife has become so fat, I said to her “You are starting to look like my ex-wife”. “But you only have ever been married to me”. She replied “Yes, I know”