Category: sarcasm

If you find a piece of paper with my name on it, please give it to your mom. It’s her “to do” list.

Last month I applied for a job at Royal mail as a postman, although I forgot to post my apllication form… Long story short, I start Monday.

It really annoys me when people say that they are ‘as happy as a bunny’, so I went out and found this bunny, and hit it with my car… how you feeling now?

My girlfriend just slammed the door in my face because I ‘never take her seriously’. It was so cute!

Policemen nowadays clearly don’t have common sense anymore.. They clamped my car the other day because it was blocking traffic..

SKY NEWS FLASH: Top surgeon says “ Gabrielle Gifford is lucky to have a bullet go in one side of the head through the brain and exit above her eye. Mmm define lucky..

Stephen Wright, the famous Scientist once said ”I woke up and all my stuff had been replaced with exact duplicates” I didn’t know he was a sikipedian!!! Hi Stephen!!

BBC News- UFO identified. An IFO then.

Sky News ‘Great Train Robber Remains In Prison’ Well he can’t have been that great if he’s in prison.

Now that I’m a 31 year old man, I’ve found that one of my greatest pleasures in life, is seeing women, either ex girlfriends or girls I was infatuated with years ago, who have now turned into fat hideous beasts.

Don’t worry, I’ll always be behind you 100%. Because if anything happens, it will happen to you first.

Sarcasm. Yeah, THAT’LL work.

Just expanded my farm with the newly released 22×22 size, moved round my animals, and my trees to accommodate it all and look way cooler. Now I just need to get a girlfriend and a job.

Let’s all play the “I think I’ve seen Maddie game”…. Because the Elvis version is old and boring

Yahoo news: “Plane hit by fire engine” and i thought i was a bad driver.