Category: sarcasm

Sky News: Young brit in coma after balcony plunge. That’s funny, last week you told us she died?

A lovely, quiet evening in with the boyfriend. So much so that she feels the need to tell Facebook.

My boss screamed at me this morning. “It’s the fifth time you’re late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday.”

“Birmingham city council to cut 2,000 posts” It may be just me but making pieces of wood that stick out of the ground shorter seems like a complete waste of resources.

Apparently Omid Djalili is Iranian. Why doesn’t he tell us this more often?

BBC News: Pilots protest over flying hours What do they want, the rest of the world to relocate a bit closer to England?

BBC NEWS: Cold weather will last 14 days. Great! After that we should be back to our good old warm winter days.

A customer in the restaurant where I work, asked me, “Sir, what’s this fly doing in my soup and I don’t want any stupid jokes” “Ok, drowning” I told him

Old people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.

I just heard that scientists have discovered that ecstacy could cure cancer. Well done science. Now just prove that cocaine cures a cold, alcohol improves driving ability and Rohypnol is a just a harmless natural aphrodisiac that helps women make great decisions. That would be great and should get me out of prison.

I was eating a packet of Walker’s crisps the other day: Stephen Fry’s Fry Up flavour. The first crisp tasted just like sausages, the second tasted exactly like eggs with tomato ketchup, but what did the third crisp taste of? Trick question: of course there was no third crisp.

I’ve won soo much on the Euromillions, IE cannot display it!!!.

…and God, in his infinite wisdom, commanded Noah to take two of every creature onto the Ark… Even woodworms. Brilliant plan.

Me, sarcastic? Never.

I was doing some web design research into how Sickipedia’s duplicate check works. Then I realised it doesn’t.