Category: sarcasm

I was shocked to hear that Brit Akmal Shaikh has been executed in China for drug smuggling. Where exactly in the middle east is ‘Brit’?

I took the wife to a restaurant. We ordered our food and wait ages for the order to arrive. Finally a young man arrives and places the order on our table. I said to him “Are you the waiter who took my order?” The waiter replied ” yes sir ,I am.” “Thats funny” I said, […]

Right, lets get this straight —————————————~ So close.

Wow. With jokes like these I’m starting to miss the database latency too high page.

Just seen a guy on the news back from the war with both legs missing but has been denied benifits and help from the government. Couldn’t help but think to myself, silly boy, Doesn’t he know England only helps immigrants, Muslims and dead beats?

You’re about as useful as Joseph Fritzl’s wine cell- ok, bad example

I was at the shopping centre today, when a woman with a clipboard stopped me and asked where I get my electricity from at the moment. I told her I’m pretty sure it comes into my house through some kind of wire.

Blind optimism, Scottish rugby’s number one supporter

After criticism of their product Walkers announce there is at least one large potato in every pack of Walkers crisps. The 24 Multipack.

‘Hundreds of people with serious injuries die due to poor care’ No they don’t. They die due to the fact they have a serious injury.

Hmm… I really Like Stella and reckon she’ll be good in my company. But, I also really like Chris, he’s very smart and could fit in well in my company. Theres only one way to solve this…. A big television show that will make the BBC millions but have absolutely nothing to do with business.

So the firefighters are going on strike. Nothing like a few houses full of burning children to drum up a bit of support.

Now that people are changing their Facebook profile pictures back from cartoon characters, I feel comfortable beating my child again without Peter Pan’s judging eyes on me.

At Amy Winehouse’s funeral her father said that she had conquered her addiction to drugs and was winning her battle with alcohol. Such a shame when someone so young dies of old age.

My mate pointed out the window and said, “Is that your wife mowing the lawn out there?” “Yeah, she never stops,” I replied “Call me old fashioned if you want, but I hate to see a woman doing manual labour.” “Me too,” I replied, as I closed the curtains.