Category: sarcasm

So Liverpool are at home to Blackpool today and like everyone else, I’m praying the underdogs win .. So apologies to the vast number of Blackpool fans out there, for that.

Look at the state of Englands training camp in Poland. If only they had the builders to finish it.

Speaking about the mysterious blackbird incident last week, one resident said: ‘Millions, millions fly over every night. You look up at the sky and it’s just black.” As opposed to every other night when the night sky is bright green.

I started my new job in a unit that deals with people who suffer with Aspbergers Syndrome and Autism.. I asked the manager who the people were in the corner working at computers. She told me that they were all editing jokes on this website.

I’ve just been watching Michael McIntyres Comedy Roadshow and can’t help but think that he and his guests must be psychic – they seem to know all of tomorrows Top Jokes before they’ve even been posted!

I’ve just seen a bloke in the bookies bet on Stephen Hawkings to win the next series of the X Factor. Well, he might as well have. He backed Team GB to win a medal in the 100m and 200m races at the Olympics.

They say true beauty is on the inside? Well I guess until x-ray vision is sold in shops fat birds will just have to suffer.

My wife looks like Cheryl Cole, but shorter, fatter and uglier.

It disturbs me how people say “you’ll need a box of tissues” for the new toy story film.

“Farmer wants a wife” Yeah, and by the looks of things, channel 5 don’t want viewers.

Rumours… Well at least you’re spreading something else beside your legs.

Dictionary definition of fragile; easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail. Royal Mail definition of fragile; Break gently.

What do you call a cheap tanning place? Outside.

I joined a dating website and one of the sections was “Describe yourself in 20 words.” I just wrote “Efficient.”

On the way home from My sisters wedding, My girlfriend asked “What was the most emotional part for You”. I replied “When they announced the open bar was closing”.