Category: sarcasm

Ellie is just one of the thousands of actors who have tasted and approved Asda’s new chosen by you range…

Remember when using the toilet to always flush twice. Scousers will steal anything.

Dear Sheila, Are you really the joke stealer, or are you just saying that because it rhymes? Regards, Dave Miller the Bandwagon killer.

Parking on double yellows and putting your hazards on. ahh yes….. that will fool them.

Right, I’m off out lads. If anyone looks at me in the wrong way on my travels, I’m going to crack them with a few uppercuts..out of self defence like. Oh, and if they’re not playing my favourite track in the shop, I might crack the till girl in the face as well. No worries […]

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names” Just in case you want to add them on Facebook.

Thank you ‘Dateline’ for letting us know that was a re-enactment. I was pretty upset your camera crew didn’t stop that murder.

Man with huge nail accidentally fired into his skull by nail gun described as ‘lucky’ by US doctors. Yes indeed, lucky him.

A 14 year old girl has died after having a cervical caner jab. Well it worked didn’t it?

So, the world’s oldest man has died at the age of 113. I saw it coming to be honest.

My wife tried telling me that women are smarter than men…. “Is that why anyone with a high I.Q can join that club womensa….”

Me: in Nicaragua, beautiful women used to be thrown into volcanoes. Wife: you wouldn’t do that to me would you? Me: …………………., I said beautiful women

Mock the week. But not tax-dodging comedians, obviously.

I can’t believe that Ryan Giggs missed training in the week of the Champions League final. It’s almost like he doesn’t understand the meaning of commitment.

BBC NEWS – Fire cutbacks ‘put lives at risk.’ Oh so that’s where I’ve been going wrong? Next time my chip pan is blazing away, I’ll not waste the local fire stations time, safe in the knowledge I have less chance of dying when the flames are free to burn away.