Category: sarcasm

There’s nothing more annoying or impersonal than receiving a ‘send to many’ text… Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone.

No water, no fuel, no England captain, no England manager, and no jobs. I’d write a letter of complaint if I could afford a stamp.

Onions always make me cry for some strange reason. Most probably because when I was a kid an onion lorry ran over my dog.

Mark Duggan’s family must be really shocked by the scale of the riots his death has caused. I bet they never realised he had so many friends up north.

I hate it when people say “Oh, I’m a vegetarian except for fish”. Yeah? And I’m a non-smoker except for cigarettes.

Oryza sativa: So good they named it rice.

It’s a terrible old world when half of African mothers will either lose their children to famine, disease, Madonna or Angelina Jolie.

Some people are as complex as the pricing strategy at Poundland.

I’ve just been reading about that child who died in a tumble dryer and I couldn’t even imagine how his parents must feel… To have something they love so carelessly and pointlessly destroyed, especially when it could so easily have been prevented with a bit of caution and supervision, it’s just more than I could […]

BBC News: “About 100 Asian teenagers pelted an EDL coach with bricks and stones when it broke down in East London” Seems like a really good way to change the EDL’s mind about foreigners.

I was walking through the park with a mate when he cried out “Ouch! A bug just flew into my left eye! What are the chances!” “Precisely 1 in 2.”

Just saw the B&Q advert and their doing a January sale now. So a November sale then.

Following the explosion at a factory in Lincolshire where 5 men were killed in what Police have described as an illegal alcohol factory, Police have raided another premises which has been manufacturing a cheap version of Carling. Police have told the public that they can recognise it by the label of “Fosters”

Came home from work to find the wife disappearing upstairs dressed only in black stockings and a bra. I thought this could be the night, and sure enough, ten minutes later she appeared dressed in a womens police officers uniform complete with truncheon and handcuffs. My excitement reached fever pitch and just when I thought […]

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator temporarily out-of-order” sign. Just “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.