Category: sarcasm

My wife told me to dig a hole and die, but she’s forgetting that men can’t multi task.

BBC NEWS – Royal Mail tests evening delivery. That’s brilliant, I can finally get my post a bit earlier.

What’s the difference between my kitchen and the council? My kitchen always has enough salt.

Just watching the Brazil match on TV. That Robinho looks good, if I was the Manchester City manager I’d try and sign him.

I’m amazed by last nights antics in the east end , I couldn’t believe it when I saw it only one person stabbed!

I’m just off to watch the 2nd half of Rugby between Chelsea and Blackpool.

My shrink told me I had an avoidance personality disorder, I stopped seeing her.

David Cameron has described tax avoidance as being morally repugnant. It’s good to see that he learnt such a strong ethical awareness when he studied at Eton College, registered charity number 1139086.

“25 Artists in tonights Eurovision, and I can tell you that one of them will be the winner” Oh well I never!

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. And there’s me thinking it was a dwarf reading out a Xmas cracker.

“Hi can I help you?” “No ugly girl at helpdesk, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say, hi”

Is there something about suffering a bereavement that makes you lose your ability to spell?

Wanna get ripped in 4 weeks? Book a table for two at one of Gordon Ramsay’s overpriced poncey restaurants for the 25th of March.

Sky News – ‘Bullying Plays Large Part In Child Suicides’ Bet it took them a while to work that one out…

My mum’s just told me ‘this is not a hotel’. I was like ‘I know. I’ve been into the bathroom. I’ve seen how big the shampoo bottles are’.