Category: sarcasm

I have just noticed a label on my new headphones that says ‘Insert headphones in ear’ There was me thinking it was a suppository.

The RSPCA have released a statement saying the proposed Badger cull would be a “black day for Badgers”. They also said the holocaust was a “difficult time for jews” and that the destruction of the entire human race would be “regrettable”.

Daily Mail ‘Family of albino Muslims terrorised after one of them marries a Christian man’ That’s just disturbingly weird and makes me sick to my stomach, who would want to marry a Christian?

The swine flu website – created to help calm the pandemic – has been overloaded with approximately 2.7million visitors, and has subsequently crashed, rendering the site inaccessible. As a Sickipedian, I cannot possibly relate.

BBC News – “Black rhino reaches 40th birthday”. I’d like to offer my congratulations to Ashley Cole’s mum.

Ronseal, does exactly what it says on the tin. Funny, I can’t seem to see where it says, “Ruins your best jeans.”

I squeezed up to the bar to get served next to a fat blonde. “You better not try and chat me up”, she sneered. I looked her up and down and said, “I was going to ask how you like your eggs in the morning, but it’s obviously in a McDonalds wrapper”.

I sit here, on this site, day…after day…after day And I still do not want any tickets to see the Sonisphere Festival

A bully pushed me over in the playground today, and I grazed my knee slightly. Naturally, this means that I am now the future winner of The X-Factor 2012.

My mate Dave has just got back from Poland “The loneliness nearly killed him”

When I left home, my mum said, “Don’t forget to write.” I thought, “That’s unlikely… It’s a basic skill, isn’t it?”

The all new kindle… because you need to carry 3500 books around

A KLEENEZE catalogue gets put through my letter box every month, and a couple of days later a lady calls to collect it. This has been going on for years now…. ….Wouldn’t it be easier if they just sent it to her in the first place?!!

What I lack in experience I make up for in cliches.

My wife said I was I was gullible, and I believed her