Category: sarcasm

SportsDirect.com – Adidas Trainers half price sale now on. Maximum 3 per customer. Great if you’ve got 3 legs or come from Norfolk then.

In future I’m going to Sainsbury’s to buy their own brand of condoms Apparently you can really Taste The Difference.

ABC … Easy as 1,2,3 Unless of course, ABC stands for Airways, Breathing and Circulation

Just driven past a garage and saw a sign that read “cars bought for cash” Shame that, all I want is a couple of magic beans for mine

Ive just told the wife I have taken out a hefty life insurance policy. “Is that to plan for the future?” she enquired. “Sort of” I replied. “I thought it was a good idea seeing as you have started cooking lessons”

You know you’ve got no friends when even Readers Digest stop writing to you.

The police just pulled me over and said, “Did you know that your brake lights aren’t working, sir?” I said, “I’m sorry, but I was to busy driving on the inside of my car to notice.”

BBC News : “Inquiry After Balloon Collides With House” I got such a fright, I dropped a feather on my toe.

Bill Turnbull on Monday morning tv chatting to Giggs, he said: “Imagine what you could have achieved if you’d been English.” Yeah, he could have missed one of those penalties at the World Cup and got himself a nice Pizza Hut advert.

How can you tell if a man suffers from low self esteem and has no sense of self worth? He’s a house husband.

Even my Blackberry battery lasts longer than a relationships these days.

I was flying a kite in the park last week when I guy walked past and said, “y’all flying a kite” I thought that was pretty obvious so I quickly returned with, “no, fishin’ for birds”

Prince Charles has been made a Field Marshal, Admiral of the Fleet and Marshal of the Royal Air Force in the Honours list by his mum. My mum made me a jumper.

Dammit yet another suicide attempt thwarted by the supermarket refusing to sell me more than 2 packs of paracetamol.

Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine announced they have found a cure for baldness in mice. This is great news. Nothing looks more ridiculous than a mouse with a comb-over.