Category: sarcasm

What do Joe McElderry, Steve Brookstein and Paul Potts have in common? Who?

Is it just me or does anyone else think that the guys who diligently trawl through jokes to write “DUPLICATE” have jobs as traffic wardens?

Selling my wife: Relatively good condition. Slightly broken heart.

Primary School – ABC Secondary School – CBA Sixth Form/University – CBF

hypocrisy |hipkris| noun ( pl. -sies) the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behaviour does not conform; e.g. forming a website by changing the ‘w’ in ‘Wikipedia’ to an ‘s’ and adding a ‘c’, then complaining about duplication, plagiarism and copyright theft.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, like I’ve never heard that before.

Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?” Simon: “No Mis”

So, BA’s cabin crew say they’re not going to work for 12 days over Christmas. This truly is a black day for British Airways.

There was a fire in our main Inland Revenue office today. Sadly it was put out before any serious good was done.

I went to the chemist’s today to pick up my medication. While I was waiting, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Are you in the queue for prescriptions?” I replied, “No, I’m standing here for the good of my health.”

punctuation who needs it

I was lucky enough to work in a hi-fi shop to witness this: An old lady walks into the shop one morning and asked if we sold sheet music. My collegue, without skipping a beat says, “Sorry no, we only sell the decent stuff.”

Teaching women to drive is a bit like teaching monkeys how to use shot guns… It will all end in chaos.

Warner Brothers have annouced plot details of The Hangover: Part 3. They wake up to find a Gorilla in their hotel room and instead of Doug or Ted missing, the laughs, the fanbase and the audience go missing

Amazing that all it takes to cure cancer and aids, establish world peace, reverse climate change, provide employment in deprived areas, lower crime rates to zero, balance the budget deficit and make every single person in the world happy is one little Royal Wedding.