Category: sarcasm

To be honest i was very upset when I heard the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead, I personally think it’s going to be a lot harder to say the name of Al Qaeda’s No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahiri. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it….

I came home from work today to find the wife crashed on the settee: “Evening love” I said, “how did your first driving lesson go then?”

Peter Kay’s comedy reminds me of a time capsule. 15 years on and nothings changed.

Its very handy that all the High Court Judges names are Mr Justice ….. What are the odds?

BBC news: Danny Foster an Ex American marine, is to face the death penalty for killing 5 members of his own soft ball team. An American soldier killing people on his own side. Who’d have thought?

My parents keep telling me that I think the whole world keeps revolving around me… Well you are the ones that call me sun…

Great Almond Street. Apparently there’s a big nut-house there…

Three people of different nationalities walk into a bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting stupid.

Red Dead Redemption is so real… It’s like your really in Back to the Future part 3.

This actually happened. I was driving behind a van that was advertising a company that makes cakes, and on the back it said ‘A birthday cake for all occasions’, So just birthdays then.

My mate said to me this morning, “Shall we go fishing after dark?” I said, “why don’t we go now while it’s day light, It’ll save waiting till tomorrow.”

“LSD ‘helps alcoholics to give up drinking’” In the same way that a bullet helps you give up oxygen.

Sleepless nights, cold sweats, panic attacks and flashbacks are destroying my life ever since my accident…….or wedding as some call it.

I’m glad food manufacturers include ‘serving suggestions’ on the label. What a discovery!………I would have never in a million years thought of putting ‘beans’ on toast.

Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.