Category: sarcasm

If Carlsberg actually did ‘something,’ then that would be brilliant.

Lily Allen asked fans to “say a little prayer” following her second miscarriage. Sorry Lily, I don’t pray to a God, that if he actually did exist, would allow little babies to die, and rapists to win the lottery after buying one ticket. So maybe I should, but there you go.

Looking at the nominations for sports personality of the year makes you realise just how much the British have dominated the world of sport in the last twelve months. But who will win, the jump jockey or the darts player?

If a fortune teller was any good, wouldn’t they have “SPOILER ALERT” on the door before you went in?

Sky News – ‘20,000 Reward To Catch Woodland Killer’ Has anyone checked the Woodland?

What came first the chicken or the egg? The egg, i don’t have the chicken until dinner.

I was stuck at the checkout in Tesco’s today behind some tarty old woman, taking for ever. “Its my birthday today….21” she said to the woman on the checkout. I said “I thought so” “Oh! Do you really think I’m that young?” She asked thinking she’d pulled. “No” I said “you obviously can’t count. This […]

‘A new version of Windows Live Messenger is available, would you like to update?’ I would do Windows but you’ve caught me at a bit of a bad time, I was just about to check my Bebo page then I’m taking the penny farthing out for a spin.

My fridge has broken down and the engineer cannot come out until next week due to the freezing weather conditions outside. Great, warm beer all Christmas for me.

Manager: Remember, there’s no I in team … Employee: Yeah and there’s no F in point.

BBC News: Man loses arm while on holiday in Greece Bit careless of him.

They used to be called Jumpolines until your mom bounced on one back in ’72.

Eminem is officially worth $115 million. I can’t wait to hear his next song about how much he hates his life.

GCSE MATHS QUESTION 2010 Ted walks into to JJB to buy some trainers. After choosing some trainers from the small selection of shoes he is offered help by a shop worker. The shop worker then disappear out the back for half an hour looking for the shoes. After several times of the shop worker bringing […]

I reached across the table to get some cakes when my mother said: “That’s rude, have you not got a tongue?” I replied: “Yes, but my arm is longer.”