Category: puns

what is a frog doing jumping off a bridge? kermitting suicide

I did a comedy gig the other week but at 12:00 midnight I stopped telling jokes. At the end of the day, I’m not being funny.

Just read a headline: “Missing woman, remains found.” Wish they would make their mind up.

I got fired from my job as an investment banker the other day. I guess what they say is true, Goldman Sachs.

SkySports – Mancini recieves Mario boost. There’s too many puns to think of for this headline to be clever, so I’ll just close my Internet Bowser.

FOR SALE: Human skull – Only been used once.

I text my mate the other day asking him who his favourite composer is. Surprisingly, he didn’t text Bach.

What happened when the wheel was invented? It caused a revolution

There’s a fine line between a square and a triangle.

What do you call a Boutique with no queues? Boutiue.

It was poker night and my mate randomly decided not to let me look at my cards. What’s the deal?

I went to a seminar, where the main speaker was this dairy farmer, who just went on and on about all the different things he did with his milk … I wouldn’t have missed my train if he had just condensed it a bit.

Last week, I visited far east Asia and got caught in a terrible tornado. It was a Vietnamese Whirl.

I went for surgery. “Surgery” being the operative word.

“Man admits blackmailing Letterman” Well that’s just a pun in itself.