Category: puns

My wife took her knickers off and an insect flew out. It must be that time of the moth.

I was in the car the other day preparing for my driving test when a neighbour told to “break a leg” so I ran him over.

Should Audi make a car called the Doodi?

Vanish have just brought out a new product called Ground Remover. The results are flawless.

I’ll tell you something that’ll warm the heart. Electrically heated lungs.

I used to be vain, but now I’m perfect

My mate was trying to convince me that there are these islands way out in the Atlantic which are technically part of Britain. “No way,” I said, “that’s just Scilly.”

Whenever i’m feeling a little down… The neighbour asks if they can have their disabled midget back.

Broken hooks I won’t put up with them.

Whilst touring in Alaska, I thought I saw an eye doctor on one of the islands. But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

I just got off the phone to my friend and it said “your balance is low”. I didn’t believe it, and carried on walking. And fell over.

My doctor told me that I need a brain transplant. I said, “Don’t remind me.”

Through no fault of his own, my uncle drove his car into a lemon tree, he’s still bitter and twisted!

Vanish… Very much like a van.

I saw some people giving the police around of an applause in South London today. I thought, theres no need to Clapham