Category: puns

Two guys smoking marijuana – a joint effort

My great grandfather once paid a famous artist to draw a portrait of him. Unfortunately the artist died half way through and never got to finish the work, so that was a waste of Monet.

I can only get a hard-on when a girl dresses up in my favourite Star Wars costume. I’ve got a Boba Fettish.

I used to have a business selling sculptures depicting just the head and shoulders. It went bust.

uTorrent and kids. I’m a regular seeder with both.

A deacon walks into a crowded room and screams ‘fire’. As the people run out he says “I’m kidding. Just wanted to deacon-jest the place”

They call me MC Cling Film, I’ll wrap about anything.

“A Jew”… Bit of a tight sneeze.

I have no money but my wife has piles.

I love spooning my girlfriend. “Here comes the airplane!” I always say.

What do you call a fish that’s fallen over? Carpsized.

I’ve got the opticians tomorrow. That’s something to look forward to.

Just seen my local blood-bank go up in flames. This really makes my blood boil.

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.

Whenever people complain I can’t do magic and I’m not entertaining, I show them a video of my favourite magician. He usually does the trick.