Category: puns

Im great at comic timing. It took my mate 32 minutes to read the Beano

Why did Ian Paisley carry a pushbike under his arm? He was holding a Raleigh

I don’t think I’ll be any good on the firing squad, but I’ll give it my best shot.

I stole 300 quids worth of O2 Top-Up vouchers this morning from the local newsagents, with some help from a mate. I won’t take all the credit.

I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.

I went on ratemypoo.com and entered my login.

The invisible man marries the invisible woman…. The kids were nothing to look at either.

What do you call a bald king with no sons? Heir less

My girlfriend said to me that she wanted me to tease her, so I said: “Alright fatty.”

I pretended to be an African tribal doctor for a day. Shaman me.

I just saw a falconer in an electric wheelchair. Must have been Stephen Hawking.

What’s the definition of an orgy? A party where everyone comes.

I opened the fridge and a lettuce told me to back the favourite in the 3.25 at Ascot. I think it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Whenever something was done to make a bad situation worse my dad used to always say it was “simply adding fuel to the fire” I think that’s why he lost his job as fireman