Category: puns

I was speaking to my American friend who lives in Mississippi on the phone earlier and he said there is allot of ‘Anti-British’ feeling at the moment due to the BP fiasco. In hindsight, perhaps saying, “Maybe the England v USA game will pour oil on troubled waters” wasn’t my best move.

Was at my local herb and spice shop when the shop keeper asked if he could help. I just said “na just browsing.” He said “take as much time as you want” So I nicked the whole lot.

Which city has the worst karaoke bars? Singapore.

I love my English teacher. I would hate him if he was any other nationality.

Nothing turns me on more than a switch.

I have no ikea how Sweden lost that match.

Due to cutbacks, the Government has announced the UK will only be entering one contestant in the synchronised swimming event at the 2012 Olympics. How can anyone sync solo?

I got beaten up by a guy with a big nose and curly hair. I think he knew jew-jitsu.

I saw a real cute blond girl in a bar, so i went up to her and asked her what her name was, She said to me ” Chantel” I said, “Oh go on”

I’ve never believed in horses. I’m a neightheist.

Since the recession there have been many people layed off from work in the roofing business. I am willing to employ as many of them as possible in my factories in hope of saving them from being out on the streets. Up to now I have 115 names on my shinglers list.

Once you’ve seen one rugby joke, you’ve seen a maul.

Finding someone who can cook the perfect steak without undercooking or thoroughly burning it… Rare.

I’m a sucker for a large room. It’s probably my biggest floor.

I intend to finish the day as I start it. Asleep.