Category: puns

I saw my friend slumped on the lawnmower today, crying his eyes out. He was just going through a rough patch.

I’ve almost finished my fish-skin boots. All I need now is a sole and eel.

I had a dream that I was driving down the motorway in my car whilst making pancakes. All night tossing and turning

I can’t stand piercings, they go right through me.

Most people complain about missionaries on their door step, but I love them: JW’s, Mormons, Hare Krishnas, I always invite them in. I’m bald, but I have a huge collection of wigs. And I love avocado dip, eat it every day. I’m living the dream: Sects and rugs and guacamole.

The retired shepherd was ewes less.

My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

Daily Mail: “Manchester City have made their biggest signing of the summer by landing rock star fan Liam Gallagher….” Seems weird, but i’m just gonna Roll With It.

For dessert last night, I had a chocolate cake in the shape of a vast open expanse of land. It was very moorish.

Just been in Wookey Hole. Chewbacca was not amused.

I saw a notice in the local paper which read: “Accelerated Learning in Nursery Teaching” I couldn’t help thinking that they could have just called it a Crche Course.

I watched a small horse do somersaults for 4 hours today, it was at that point i realised he was a one trick pony.

I went to the weigh in for the Haye vs Harrison fight. But the door was locked

I dumped my blind girlfriend of 2 years by text message. She didnt seeing it coming.

Pets at home can advertise as pet grooming and gillette can advertise as male grooming but when it comes to advertising my under 16’s sallon as child grooming that’s inapropriate?