Category: puns

My mate asked me if I thought buying stolen property was just as bad as burglary. I’m sitting on the fence.

Some guy came up to me in the street today and said “God, you look odd.” I replied “Well, so do you.” Guess that made us even.

What do you call a Scottish lady who comes round and decorates your bathroom? Bonnie Tiler.

flo rida molested a fourteen year old girl the judge said ” he had never seen someone steep so low low low low low low low low.

Ordered some stuff online the other day & I used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.

I’ve just entered a profession of studying the images, ideas, emotions and sensations that occur involuntarily during sleep. It’s my dream job.

Solid, Liquid and Gas were at a funeral. I would make a joke, but there would be no laughing matter.

I was surprised to hear about the murders going on at the Batman film. If there was going to be any crime commited, I thought it would have been a spot of Robin’

I am going to plant trees in the garden, but I think there’s enough. I’m getting Sycamore.

Knowledgeable, intelligent, sapient and clever. Those are some wise words.

My girlfriend threatened to break up with me due to my large collection of Red Hot Chilli Peppers memorabilia, so I had to give it away, give it away, give it away now.

My mate just got moved from his desk job with the police force to scientific support for fire arms. He went ballistic.

I was in the botanical gardens and saw an unusual tree which had lots of Israeli children playing in it. Turned out to be a juniper bush.

What do you call a chinese woman on fire? Mel Ting

I had a look at a new ribcage yesterday, but decided against it. My heart just wasn’t in it.