Category: puns

The owner of a bar asked me to get him a loudspeaker. I don’t think Brian Blessed is what he had in mind.

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name. It’s P something T something R.

Took a fat girl out for dinner two weeks ago. She’s still there.

Consumerism? I’m not buying it.

I had an ice pick once But it melted before I even finished my solo

My mate said to me “why does your top stink of peppermint!” I said “oh that’s me polo shirt!”

I recently cut 3 of my fingers off in a DIY accident. I haven’t felt the same since…

I just saw an advert for “skyJaguar”, and immediately phoned the number on screen. Imagine my disappointment when I was congratulated for adopting an endangered animal, not for owning the world’s first flying car.

Just spent last 5 hours making a few poxy sandwiches for tonight’s buffet. Made a bit of a meal of it to be honest.

I want to open a pub and call it the Go-Go-Gadget Arms.

I’m seeing a girl at the moment. She’s been in the dining room for 10 minutes, and she’s just walking in to the kitchen now.

When people ask where I work I tell them I’m in telesales. Sounds better than “I work at Comet”

Snoods are the necks big thing.

I love tipping people, Wheelchair Basketball is the best.

I like making geographical puns, but I’d never make a Korea out of it though.