Category: puns

“Evangelist Oral Roberts dies aged 91” That sucks.

The wife’s been moaning about the body parts all over the house from my mail order Frankenstein kit. I’ve told her I’d finish it but after what the dog ate, I don’t think I’ve the heart for it anymore.

Played a gig in a prison yesterday. They were a very captive audience.

Yesterday I invited my friend to an Erectile Dysfunction convention. He couldn’t come.

I saw the moon landing for the first time yesterday. I wonder who was flying it.

I ate the most wonderful flatfish today. It was brill.

I saw some nerd walking around with a little ‘2’ floating above his head the other day. Square…

My wife says she’s leaving me because of my vegetable related puns. But I bet it’s really because of my low Celery.

I keep missing the toilet. It got stolen by some thugs last week. I just hope it’s ok.

Was looking round a new house today, asked the estate agent if i could use the toilet, she said yes so long as i dont claim squatters rights. Theres that plan foiled.

Luis Suarez needn’t worry, Evra thing is gonna be alright.

If there is a wild goose and your trying to chase it, and someone leads you away from your hunt, are you closer or further away from your objective than you were before?

People think I’m weird because I swallowed an Abacus. It’s what’s inside that counts.

Caesarian Sections. They’re a cut above.

What’s a mexicans favourite type of joke? A juan liner.