Category: puns

I used to smoke a lot of soap. But I’m clean now.

My wife has the ability to light up any room. She’s an arsonist.

I was recently asked if as a young boy, was my mother very strict with me. I said, ‘let me get one thing straight, my mother was never a young boy.’

I took some photos of my girlfriend earlier. It took me ages to unscrew the frames off the nursery walls.

Understanding the horizon. It’s beyond me.

Have you heard about the invincible egg white? It couldn’t be beaten

Who needs rhetorical questions?

My uncle just died and I stand to inherit 10% of his estate, which amounts to a front axle.

I have lots of livestock But everytime I try to make gravy it runs away

What did one cannibal say to the other during an argument? “Do you want a piece of me?”

I babysat over the weekend… Apparently it was lucky to survive

I found the perfect way to get out of a speeding ticket. Confess to a murder.

Since buying these Robotic Sheep, I constantly have to upgrade my RAM.

Heard that a man has been jailed for 36 years for a jigsaw murder. Puzzling…

All the local black kids hang right outside my house. That tree is really paying for itself.