Category: puns

I bought my friend a candle extinguisher for his birthday. He was delighted.

What’s the worst thing about about a broken calculator in an algebra exam? You do the maths

Who is the worlds best White wrapper? Santa claus.

I recently saw an advert for a sleep prevention device, thought it was a real eye opener.

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don’t worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I was asked recently if I’d like to join a band, as they could really do with my finger snapping technique for the choruses. I told them I wasn’t interested in joining their clique.

I booted a spastic in the face the other day. I just love to kick things when they’re down.

Breaking news: Car stops quick.

Got a date with an archer tonight. Im all of a quiver.

I bought a new bike helmet but I don’t know how to use it. The entire concept goes over my head.

Where do people from Senegal drive? In Dakar

Be kind to your dentist – he has fillings too!

I bought a flea circus yesterday, but one of them won’t go on the high wire. It’s a nervous tick.

My mates call me the horse whisperer, not because I’m good with horses, I’ve got throat cancer.

I’ve recently taken up rolling my own cigarettes, has anyone got any tips?