Category: puns

My wife started yelling at me because I shaved my head. I tried to explain it was because my base jumping instructor told me to, but she just said “If he told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?”

BBC News: ”Finalist dies at World Sauna event” A shame really he was the hot favorite.

I went over to my friend’s house, and he told me to treat the house like it was my own. So I sold it.

I fed the cat dog food yesterday… … woke up this morning and he looked a bit Rough.

I told my mate I could swallow any stone. He then challenged me to a jewel.

My wife just told me she was in town and saw a chicken crossing the road I said to her “you must be joking”

My friend says I may be a communist, I say he’s just Russian to conclusions.

Went into the kitchen last night and my grandmother was there wearing a cow girl outfit and jumping up and down on the stove. I said to her “Get off the cooker Grandma you’re too old to ride the range”.

My mate bought a gossipy parrot, which I think says a lot about him.

So the back of this guy’s anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, ‘do you earn a living doing that?’ He said, ‘yes, this is my livelihood.’

My room-mate woke me up in the middle of the night with his sack in my face. I was bolloxed.

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game? Find out after the break.

My wife thought she knew an abuse joke that I hadn’t heard before…but I beat her to the punchline.

What do you call a speedy news correspondent: Justin

I’ve got a heroin addiction. I can’t stop reading Wonder Woman comics.