Category: puns

The doctor asked if he could examine my metacarpal shaft the other day. I showed him the back of my hand.

My wife never trust me with anything, especially when it comes to the kids, so I was surprised this morning when she asked me to drop them off at the nursery. I thought they looked really nice next to the potted plants and the baby conifers.

I love air removal systems. I’m a big extractor fan.

Just met a guy who’s supposed to be an expert at origami. I gave him the “cold stare” and sneered at him. He folded

Grimsby’s zoo are bragging they have the best looking chameleon in the world. I can’t see it myself.

How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meet Pattie.

Upskirts Because asking her to show you would be rude.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

I think the rebels in Libya can eventually overthrow the government if they stick to their guns.

I’ve been using fossil fuels a lot recently. But I think the natural history museum is on to me

I hate those pictures of women with their pants pulled up right tight. Think I’m cameltoes intolerant.

I’ve placed an order online with a music shop in Scotland. I’m looking forward to having my Ayr guitar delivered.

The traffic lights are broken at the end of my road again. No change there then.

I don’t know why everyone is still making such a big fuss about the bridge I built last week. They need to get over it.

My wife was complaining that I never take her out anymore, so I did. She’ll be conscious again in a couple of hours to thank me.