Category: puns

Me and my girlfriend broke Up the other day. Smashing disney dvds is our thing.

I asked my doctor why I had a permanent erection. He said, “It’s hard to say.”

I’ve never tipped a cow… then again ones never served me

I was in the vegetable aisle at my local supermarket when the spring onions started breakdancing and doing hiphop. The little rap scallions!

Everyday, at 7.00AM, a man walks about the street wearing a Kippah. My wife asked me, “Who is that?” I replied, “That’s just the morning Jew.”

I love grandfather clocks big time.

Newspaper headline: ‘Heavily Disfigured Face Covered in Silicone Oil Found in Bin’ Honestly, you couldn’t make it up.

The average ghost is mean spirited.

My job, working at Jessops, is still developing.

I’ve got a bet on with my mate about the number of Indian people who are taking the 10.15 from Bangalore to Mumbai. There’s a lot riding on it.

The death of Paul the Octopus will be inked all over the newspapers by tomorrow

The Mirror: “Manchester City star Mario Balotelli sets house on fire with cracker” I don’t know why that white guy hangs around with Balotelli, he’s such a bad influence on him.

I’m making a show about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone. Star Key and Hash

I’ve been feeling a little blue recently. I’m molesting a Smurf.

I have no time for impatient people