Category: puns

“Server is experiencing extreme load.” That came suddenly.

The hotel I stayed in last night had loads of disturbed people walking around. Probably because I removed the Do Not Disturb signs.

Steel Manufacturers – At the cutting edge of knife crime.

When the X-Factor comes to Birmingham, the phrase “Who’ll steal the crown this year?” has a totally different meaning.

It pains me to say it, but I have a sore throat

My Nan was evacuated during the war. That’ll teach her to eat a tin of prunes to herself.

Christmas puns are starting to get really annoying. Quit using them or yule be sorry.

“Chinese man almost dies after spillage in Super Glue factory” Talk about a sticky situasian.

I saw my mate’s decapitated head the other day. I said, “What happened to you?” He said, “I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.” I said, “Maybe you should quit while you’re a head.”

Just picked out my fiance’s wedding ring. I have no idea how it got up my nose in the first place.

Ronnie O’Sullivan was showing me a trick-shot earlier. He said, “Pick a pocket” So I nicked his chalk.

I was playing noughts and crosses with a friend, when he started playing with a marker pen. It was a bold move.

My nan never used to have a garden, she just had a huge hole. One day, she asked me to make it look better. So I landscaped the ditch.

I’m a great bird handler, my technique is impeccable.

I went to school to become a wit. I only got halfway through though.