Category: psychology

I used to wonder why I was getting nowhere in life; every step forward I made didn’t seem to take me anywhere… Then I realised I was on the descending escalator.

My psychiatrist said…. “Tell me, how long have you been having these hallucinations about seeing a psychiatrist?”

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

I went on a skiing trip with a group of psychiatrists, I’ve never seen so many Freudians slip

I just don’t understand why only good looking, successful, happy people are buying my book on reverse psychology?

I used to like reverse psychology, but now I do.

You can tell a lot about a person from their favourite book. Stealing their phone and reading their texts also works.

My girlfriend always says you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he’s wearing. I always say you can tell a lot about a person by the simplistic means they use to make judgements about people.

I have pretty low self-esteem. When my local nightclub held a ‘school disco’ fancy dress night, I went as the janitor.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 273 times….. I do not suffer from OCD

Two psychologists are in bed, one says, “Well, it was great for you, but what was it like for me?”

A mate came back from the shrink and told me he has a fear of the unknown, ‘whats that?’ I asked ‘I dunno’ he replied.

Everybody thinks I’m a fatalist. Well they would, wouldn’t they?