Category: professions

Police officers needed for G20 march duties. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early…beat the crowd.

I work for the LAPD in the SWAT team…. Proud to say they’ve been fly free since 1993.

I took the wife to the Doctors with an ingrowing toenail. “The best practice is to remove it.” he said. “Do you have any questons?” “Yes,” I said, “you know she’s got an ingrowing tongue?”

A police woman pulled up outside the house this morning. I thought, nice knickers but she shouldn’t really be doing that on duty.

What’s one thing you never want to hear your dentist say? “Oops. Wow, you really are numb!”

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Oxford and I need some help. If I were to give you 20,000, minus 14%, how much would […]

BBC NEWS: “It took police marksmen 4 bullets to kill the dog, flowers have been left outside the house” Aren’t they forgetting the woman that dog killed?

Police found the bodies of a couple at the foot of beachy head, inside the backpack of one of them was a dead child, but lets be fair, you buy a parachute off ebay, you’re asking for trouble.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

“I don’t care if you are an usher at the cinema. You can’t just tear up every ticket you’re given”. Said the policeman.

I woke up yesterday morning & found that my skin had turned black. I went straight round to the doctors, who told me “Sorry, there is nothing I can do, you are stuck with it” “Don’t you even have any practical advice?” I pleaded. “Yes” he said “We don’t keep anything of value in the […]

It was so cold this morning I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!

I used to be a rent boy until the bottom dropped out of the market

I have a confession. For most of my childhood, I was under the impression that one of the most exciting, fun filled, action packed professions in the world was being a plumber. Now, that I’ve picked it as a career choice, I see the mistake I’ve made. Thanks for ruining my life, Mario.

My local health centre are about to start a trial by where UK born citizens are allowed priority access into the clinic before immigrants, Sounds good, but I’m not sure I want to get in before the doctors do…