Category: professions

My career seems to have peaked at the cap factory.

“Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” “Limp!”

A guy goes to his dentist’s and asks him, “What’s the best thing for yellow teeth?” “How about a brown tie?” he replies.

Throughout the recession it has warmed my heart to know that I’ve been able to do so much to help keep Shelter in business. It’s not all bad being a bailiff.

What do you call an artist with asthma? Van Cough

Why is it strippers always say the same thing? ‘I’m paying my way through medical school.’ And, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? You’d think they’d be everywhere.

My dentist just won ‘dentist of the year’ All he got was a little plaque.

My doctor asked me, “Do you smoke in the same room as your kids?” I said, “No, my kids smoke in a completely different room.”

A unit of police in tactical gear were heading thorough a park when suddenly two little girls with a skipping rope stopped them. Just because they could.

BBC News: Hospital ‘misdiagnosed patients’ “It’s early days yet, but we’ve narrowed it down to a broken wrist, or cancer.”

My ex-girlfriend is a Secretary. When she dumped me, she gave me a weeks notice. On the plus side, she got me a temp.

Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call.

After being examined by a doctor, the patient asks, “Is this a rare illness doctor?” The doctor says, “Not really, the graveyards are full of people who had it!”

My mate asked me, “If you weren’t a hairdresser, what would you be doing?” I said, “Probably women.”

I just got fired from my job as the local barber for setting my customers’ left and right on fire. Apparently “Sideburns’ weren’t what I thought they were.