Category: professions

My cousin just died, he was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.

My dad lets no one stand in his way. He’s a bulldozer operator.

I broke the cars suspension today going over one of those sleeping police man. Well he looked like he was sleeping after the second go.

“Well, Doctor, my friend was recently in a brothel and now he’s worried he might have caught something. What do you recommend?” “Hmm, how about you drop your trousers and show me your friend?”

My tarot card reading business has gone bust. My life’s in runes.

The police are on the look out for a subatomic particle that has broken the law, it was last seen breaking the speed of light.

For some reason when I was a child, I wanted to be a philosopher. I always wonder why

I’ve been told to rest by my doctor. I’ve already put my sleeping bag next to his desk.

I’ve always wanted to have a taste of being a gynacologist! That’s why I got immediately fired.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but Im just not close enough to get the job done.”

The other day I asked my hairdresser if I could have highlights,and he showed me a video of past haircuts.

Our local tailor closed his shop last week and has completely disappeared. Not to worry, I’m sure he’ll turn up again one day.

I’m making a fortune teaching maths to “special needs” people. They’ll never realise that I grossly overcharge them and that their accounts are incorrect. Not with the way I teach them maths, they won’t.

Just saw a police warning at the bus station, “If your mobile phone is stolen, please ring 999 as soon as it happens.” Hmm..

Some bloke from social services knocked at my door yesterday. He said, “We’ve reason to believe that meals on wheels have been getting delivered here for the last six months”. “That’s correct”, I replied. He said, “You don’t look 72yrs of age to me?” “Everyone says that” I replied, “But I’ve been eating really well […]