Category: professions

Afraid to die alone? Then become a bus driver.

Just saw this joke by swoosher7797 ———————————– My girlfriend isn’t the brightest spark. I spent an hour explaining a legendary Sickipedia joke to her and she still didn’t get it. So I got 8 mates over and we really explained it to her. Now she understands. ———————————— You took her appendix out?

A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge. ‘Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out’ he says. She drops her knickers and he has a feel around. He says ‘how does that feel?’ She says ‘Ruddy wonderful but the discharge is from my ear’.

Our window cleaner was outside jumping up and down and screaming earlier. Some people lose their rag so easily don’t they?

Milk, Milk Lemonade, this is where the Chocolate’s made. Excellent…. Welcome to the NHS Dr Patel.

All my life I have been looking for a cheery Fortune Teller, but I just can’t find that happy medium.

“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?” “I push them away!” “I […]

I rang the local ramblers club yesterday. The bloke at the other end went on and on and on.

Help a London child this Christmas… Kill a social worker

So, Team GB keep dropping the baton in the relay race. We should have got the police to run for us, their great at beating a bunch of darkies with batons.

Policeman stopped me in my car last night and asks me to get out so he can search inside the vehicle. He sits on the drivers seat rummaging through the glove box, ash tray and side pockets,then turns to me and asks: “is there anything in your car that shouldn’t be?” “just a fat pig!” […]

A woman goes to a gynaecologist. Whilst examining her, the doctor asks, “So, have you ever had a check up here before?” “No, but I have had some Germans and an Austrian.”

My mate has a rare psychological condition in which he think’s he’s a baby. It got so bad last week that he ended up being C-sectioned.

My girlfriend loves her job as a fruit machine designer. But she really wants a baby, so she’s putting her career on hold for a while.

I’ve been nominated for a ‘Hairdresser of the Year’ award. Best Newcomber.