Category: professions

“Doctor Doctor, I found a lump on my prostate.” “How did you manage to do that?” “Err…”

So a copper pulled me over the other day, he said to me ‘your tail lights out, thats an on the spot fine mate’ i said ‘hang on, i can fix that’ so i gave the light a kick and it suddenly started working, ‘will that be all officer’ i sarcarstically grinned, he said ‘now […]

My wife said she wanted to try some role-play in the bedroom and bought me a police costume. That night I was nowhere to be seen and eventually arrived about an hour after the event.

“Are fish healthy, doctor?” “I think so. I’ve never had to treat any.”

“Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a Tyrannosaurus Rex.” “And how long have you felt like this?” “About 65 million years.”

I’m moving to Jamaica to become a hairdresser. Quite frankly I’m dredding it.

As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right […]

All the day, I sit idle at work. It’s tough being a diet consultant in Africa.

To all the kids that failed their GCSE’s, remember 2 things. 1.) You tried your absolute hardest. 2.) I don’t have gherkins on my burger.

Following a robbery in the area, the police were going door to door. When I answered, there was a huge black copper stood on the step. Got to admit that my initial quip of “Ah poacher turned gamekeeper eh?” did not set us off on the best of terms.

BBC news: Met Police to help in Madeleine Hunt. Nice to see their response time hasn’t been affected by the cuts.