Category: professions

Black police officers… Fighting crime with crime.

A woman was in the doctors for a check up when he said, “I have some good and bad news.” The woman asked for the bad news, to get it out the way, and the doctor told her she had roughly 7 months to live, as she had a brain tumour. The woman then asked […]

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer? Pose the following question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams […]

I’m finding it really hard to get a job and don’t understand why no-one will employ me. I’m so broke I might have to sell some of my nose rings.

Yesterday I told my doctor that I kept thinking that I was Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, and he said, “how long have you been having these Disney spells?”

Whats the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer? A mechanical engineer builds weapons, the civil engineer builds the targets.

As a dentist, I am now giving out heroin to kids after their check-ups. That’ll teach the doctors to hand out those sugar filled lollys.

I was studying to be a proctologist but flunked out due to bad depth perception.

If you ever get arrested wait till the cop says “anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence against you” Then you say this: “please don’t hit me again officer.”

I was woken up by the bin men this morning. They broke into my house and abducted my wife.

I just sat my Higher maths exam today. It was more confusing than a police line-up in Beijing.

As a doctor you see some weird things. A man came into my office today with an erection that had lasted 3 days so far. Apparently giving him a puzzled look and saying “but what goes up must come down” wasn’t what he was looking for.

Gynaecologist, at your cervix.

Old lady goes to the dentist, sits on the chair, lowers her panties and lifts her legs up. Dentist says “I’m not a Gynaecologist.” “I know,” she says “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

What’s the difference between a plastic surgeon and an OFSTED inspector? One tucks features…