Category: professions

If a cop says that you don’t understand the gravity of the situation, don’t say, “It’s 9.81 metres per second squared, you would know this if you’d finished school.” It’s not worth it, trust me; I spent the next twenty minutes explaining it.

Y’know, things are very different in communist countries. Take Russia, there is very little on the shelves in food shops and electronic stores. Skilled workmen are rare and if you want to buy a car you have to wait ten years for delivery, if you can even afford one. One man had saved his coupons […]

Can someone please explain this… The police have been reminded that they are servants and not masters, yet when I told the big black cop outside tesco to polish my shoes he beat me round the head? Oh well, I think I’ll call 999 and ask for a mug of coco and a hot water […]

Homeless man killed in fight with another tramp over magazine pitch. Police investigating have said It’s not a Big Issue.

Telegraph: A police marksman who shot Mark Saunders broke down in tears as he told an inquest: “I didn’t want to kill anyone”. Right, because if you really don’t want to kill anyone ‘police marksman’ is the job for you.

john came home from the doctor looking very worried. His wife said, Whats the problem? He said, The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. She said, So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day their whole lives. He said, I […]

“There were windows being smashed every where…. it was chaos….. and then I saw this 50 inch plazma TV stood there…. I couldn’t resist it. I stuck it in my car and legged it home”. PC Dave “Scouse” Smith Merseyside Police.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above […]

Dermatologists often make rash statements

I’m no detective but has anyone else noticed that all the postmen are up for striking about 3 weeks after all the Cash4Gold adverts started?

The new website: police.uk Type in your postcode and find out how many scousers live in your area.

NEWSFLASH West Midlands Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels, stockings, suspenders and crotchless knickers in connection with an armed robbery. The Chief Constable has said they must wear their normal uniforms though.

My dad has knocked a few lads out in his day. He was a general anesthetic specialist.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.