Category: professions

The Doctor gave me a jab the other day. Got him back with an uppercut.

I went to the Barbers today. “How much for a hair cut?”, I asked. “5”, the Barber replied. “How much for a shave?”, I asked. “2”, the Barber replied. So I said, “Right, well shave my head”.

It’s good to know that the national budget is being spent wisely on designer gear for Riot Police. Ive just seen two walk past with yellow CK helmets

Auctioneers are proof that white people could rap if they tried hard enough.

My doctor said, “How badly has the amnesia affected you?” I said, “Amnesia?”

A man goes into the doctor and says: Man: “Doctor im having these visions where i see into the future.” Doctor: “When did this all start” Man: “Next Thursday around dinner time”

My therapist told me I have anger issues and have trouble accepting help. At least I think that’s what he said. I had my foot on his neck at the time

I said to my Doctor, “I’ve become a can of deodorant.” He said, “Are you sure?” I replied, “No, I’m Lynx.”

I used to work in a court and see a manner of disgusting people come in. But, it’s their decision what path to take in life and I’m not one to judge. That’s possibly why I don’t work in a court any more.

When the doctor told me I had either constipation or AIDS… …I quickly found out it was AIDS.

I got a doctors examination the other day and he wanted to test my flexibility. He asked if I was available next Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

You know what the hardest thing about treating sick and dying kids as a doctor is? Hiding your erection from the parents.

A man went to a psychiatrist. “Doctor, you must help me,” he pleaded. “Every time I date a girl, I end up in bed with her. And afterward, I dump her and then feel guilty and depressed for a week.” “I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will […]

After much consideration, a childless couple decide to try artificial insemination. The woman goes to the clinic for her first appointment and is told to take her knickers off and place her feet in the stirrups. When she is ready the doctor comes in and proceeds to remove his trousers too, saying, “Well, you wanted […]

BBC News: High explosives found by bin. Give this bin a job. This bin gets results, unlike police at the moment.