Officer: “What’s your las …
Officer: “What’s your last name?” Polish guy: “Zshertnotski-Scymbwuckcuk.” Officer: “How do you spell that?” Polish guy: “With a hyphen.”
Continue ReadingOfficer: “What’s your last name?” Polish guy: “Zshertnotski-Scymbwuckcuk.” Officer: “How do you spell that?” Polish guy: “With a hyphen.”
Continue ReadingNews : ‘Shot Policeman Is Critical’. Perhaps he should go and see my mate Tony, he can fix any PC for just 50.
Continue ReadingSurely the Society of Indexers should be known as, Indexers, society of, The.
Continue ReadingI just don’t know if women like me. I know when they don’t like me because they’ll say things like, ‘Yeah, that’s him, officer.’
Continue ReadingLondon’s gone mad! 2.95 for a skinny latte!
Continue ReadingWhy do Traffic Wardens have a yellow line round their hat? So people don’t park on their heads.
Continue ReadingI visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny; you couldn’t even swing a cat in there.
Continue ReadingPolice statement on Tottenham Riots: Peaceful protest hijacked by violent minority. I wonder which minority that was….
Continue ReadingA lawyer was trying to undermine a policeman’s credibility… Q: ‘Officer – did you see my client fleeing the scene?’ A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several streets away.’ Q: ‘Officer – who provided this description?’ A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’ Q: […]
Continue ReadingBBC News: Murdered policeman is named That was silly. Any farmer could tell you you’re not supposed to name the pigs
Continue ReadingI was absolutely distraught upon opening a letter from my GP informing me I only had 2 months to live. Imagine my relief when I realised it was addressed to my teenage son.
Continue ReadingThe boss called one of his employees into his office and told him, “Jenkins, I’ve decided to make you the plant manager.” “Gee, thanks boss,” the worker said. “What do I have to do?” “Just water them every day.”
Continue ReadingActual Medical Chart Notes *Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. *Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. *On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. *The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to […]
Continue ReadingI think I’ve lost interest in my career as a mime artist. I feel like I’m just going through the motions.
Continue ReadingI tried to join the Police but I failed the IQ test. I turned up at the right building on the right day.
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