Category: professions

Officer: “What’s your last name?” Polish guy: “Zshertnotski-Scymbwuckcuk.” Officer: “How do you spell that?” Polish guy: “With a hyphen.”

News : ‘Shot Policeman Is Critical’. Perhaps he should go and see my mate Tony, he can fix any PC for just 50.

Surely the Society of Indexers should be known as, Indexers, society of, The.

I just don’t know if women like me. I know when they don’t like me because they’ll say things like, ‘Yeah, that’s him, officer.’

London’s gone mad! 2.95 for a skinny latte!

Why do Traffic Wardens have a yellow line round their hat? So people don’t park on their heads.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny; you couldn’t even swing a cat in there.

Police statement on Tottenham Riots: Peaceful protest hijacked by violent minority. I wonder which minority that was….

A lawyer was trying to undermine a policeman’s credibility… Q: ‘Officer – did you see my client fleeing the scene?’ A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several streets away.’ Q: ‘Officer – who provided this description?’ A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’ Q: […]

BBC News: Murdered policeman is named That was silly. Any farmer could tell you you’re not supposed to name the pigs

I was absolutely distraught upon opening a letter from my GP informing me I only had 2 months to live. Imagine my relief when I realised it was addressed to my teenage son.

The boss called one of his employees into his office and told him, “Jenkins, I’ve decided to make you the plant manager.” “Gee, thanks boss,” the worker said. “What do I have to do?” “Just water them every day.”

Actual Medical Chart Notes *Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. *Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. *On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. *The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to […]

I think I’ve lost interest in my career as a mime artist. I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

I tried to join the Police but I failed the IQ test. I turned up at the right building on the right day.