Category: professions

I got pulled over by the police last night and the police officer said to me “Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” To which I replied, “Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?” Iv’e been given a 1,000 fine and 4 points on my licence.

If I ever got arrested I’d use my one phone call to phone the police station and tell them I’d planted a bomb there. That’ll show ’em.

I went to the doctor and asked if he could give me something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’ve been feeling terrible… I keep having headaches and my throat hurts really badly.” The doctor looks at him for a moment and says, “Come over here to the window.” He gets up and moves over by the window, and the man follows a little bewilderedly. […]

I found out my secretary was late. Looks like I’ll be needing a coat hanger.

A man arrives at Accident & Emergency with a knife sticking out of his chest and staggers to the nearest doctor: “Doctor! Please help me!” “Sorry,” says the doctor. “My shift has just ended.” “But doctor, you have to help me!” The doctor suddenly pulls the knife out of the man’s chest and stabs it […]

Do you think when Community Support officers watch the Windows 7 advert they think “God, I wish I was a PC”

Due to a threatened strike over pay by Aylesbury firemen, a poll was taken. As a result, 7 members of blue watch fell through a hole in the floor.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. “Well,” argued the doctor, “without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession. ” “No,” said the engineer, “before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to […]

Microsoft has shown off its “virtual human” that reacts to a person’s emotions, body movements and voice. Doctor’s receptionists, Post Office counter workers and Marks & Spencer employees are already in discussion with their unions over possible redundancies.

Whizzing backwards in my wheelie chair to get a book from the other side of my office makes me feel like a dynamic go-getter. Awkwardly waddling back to my desk again, not so much.

I’m a PC and statistically 9/10 people I arrest are black.

Recently just met a lady who was a bomb disposal expert… She blew me away.

I’ve got a temporary job emptying portable toilets. I’m going to see how it pans out.

SKY NEWS: Doctor sacked for playing Solitaire on duty Sounds like he doesn’t have any patients.