Category: professions

My psychiatrist told me that I am dependant on complete strangers opinion of me. I disagree with him. What do you guys think?

I’ve just been sacked from my job at the post office but I think I was too young for it anyway. All day long I would sit there sorting letters and listening to the radio but every time a song finished I would open one of the parcels.

Dawn French is so upset over her break up, that she has gone on hunger strike. Doctors have given her 24 years to live.

Funny how students think they can be really random by adding the words “cheeeeese” and “jaaaaam” to sentences. I like to be random by indiscriminately punching students.

I went to ‘The National Traffic Warden Awards’ earlier. It was an all ticket affair.

I could not believe what we were seeing this afternoon as i stood with a group of spectators and witnessed the violent scenes in London unfold right infront of us. We did nothing, all we could do is stand and watch. Anyway i won’t beat myself up over it. I’m off duty now.

Doctors can bury their mistakes. Lawyers can imprison theirs. Architects plant ivy around theirs. Teachers send theirs into politics.

I saw this guy getting undressed at the gym. “You’re a gynaecologist, aren’t you?” I said. “I am,” he said. “How did you know?” “Oh, just a guess,” I said, “but the Rolex around your bicep gave me a clue.”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down […]

I was doing doughnuts in a car park when the place was suddenly crawling with police. Managed to sell them sixteen variety boxes.

I was fascinated to see that CCTV video of the police officer who threw a woman to the floor. I was expecially impressed by the way they managed to edit out the cooker, fridge and sink from the video.

I got a rise at work the other day. It’s that secretary bending over all the time.

The director took no time in rejecting my audition to play an epileptic in his play. Guess my face didn’t fit.

I’ve always had a one track mind. Which explains why I didn’t make it as a DJ.

John Cena goes to see his doctor about his invisibility problem. After buzzing three times, the doctor eventually comes into the waiting room and addresses the receptionist curtly, “Where’s Mr Cena- what appointment did we give him?” John speaks up, “You can’t see me, my time is now…”