Category: professions

My wife went to a job interview to become a gynaecologist today. I don’t think she’ll get the job though… There’s nothing in her that they haven’t seen before.

Police: How did your wife get that mark on her forehead? Husband: She fell down the stairs. Police: But you live in a bungalow. Husband: Yeah but she lives in the cellar.

The tablets my doctor has prescribed me are giving me side effects. I now walk like a crab.

Black police officer… The equivalent of putting a junkie in charge of a pharmacy.

Working at the doctor’s office has its advantages: whenever I’m feeling down, I just send a ‘get well soon’ card to a few people on the hypochondriacs list.

When Fred West got caught, he told police that there were 16 more bodies buried under his house. The police went to check and found 25 bodies. “What’s the idea”, the police asked him. “There were 25 bodies, not 16”. Fred replied, “I’m in the building trade, the figure of 16 was just an estimate”.

My six-year-old son has a little crush on his school teacher, which is normal at that age. I think for just about everybody at some point in their life, there’s one teacher you have a secret crush on. Mine just happens to be my wife’s aerobic teacher.

I know an oncologist whose wife has cancer, a cardiologist whose wife had a heart attack and a neurologist whose wife has partial brain damage. I’m still the unluckiest out of the four of us. Why? I’m a urologist.

I got caught speeding yesterday. The policeman asked me to step out of the car and walk in a straight line. Half way down he stopped me and said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to come back to the station with me as you’re staggering.” I replied, “Oohh, you little tiger, you’re not so […]

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection, I’ve got hundreds of them.

Cameron has stated rioters need ‘tough love’ – don’t worry Mr Cameron, I’m sure they’ll enjoy plenty of ‘tough love’ behind bars!

Community support officers : Proof that the government has a sense of humour.

I walked into our local police station and ordered all of them to get down onto the floor. I shouted at them until each one was horizontal on their backs. I really laid down the law.

Today, I was amazed when I found out the hard way how police now stop criminals. I was stunned.

I recently got a job at a prison brothel. It has its pros and cons.