Category: professions

I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday. I’m not even sick. It’s just that I’ve been working out and I want someone to see me naked.

I went to the doctors today as i was feeling really under the weather. My doctor took one look at me and said “Take off all your clothes” He then proceded to rub a thick layer of salt over my skin and then pumped smoke from a machine over my entire body. I dont know […]

I was arrested for impersonating a police officer last night. It turned out alright in the end though; I let myself go without pressing any charges.

Man walks into the doctors complaining of terrible headaches for which he has found no cure. He asks the doctor for help. The Doctor tells him that he too used to suffer from nasty and long term headaches but he had been cured by placing his head between his wife’s thighs twice a week. The […]

Long ago, someone who sacrificed sleep, forgot his family, his friends and his food and forgot laughter were called “Saints” Now they’re called “IT Professionals”

Driving to work, I was laughing at the story on the radio about the cop who got suspended for sneaking Duran Duran lyrics into his evidence at court, when I got pulled over. So, chuckling, I wound the window down and said to the officer ‘Please, please tell me now – is there something I […]

‘Undercover cop that infiltrated eco activist group, switches sides.’ It’s just like The Fast and The Furious, except instead of fast cars and hot women, they drive hybrids and the women don’t shower.

Everyone should have precautions when going up Jordan’s gash … Even her Gynaecologist has a caves and mines rescue team on standby

I was arrested by the Metropolitan Police Close-Harmony Singers for busking without a permit. I had to accompany them to the station.

BBC News: Reports of disturbances in Liverpool. Local police and residents confused as to why this has made the news.

A guy returns home from the Doctor. His mate asks, “Why are you looking so miserable?” The guy replies, “The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life.” His mate adds, “That’s not too bad.” The guy says, “It is – he’s only given me […]

I’m absolutly gutted, I just lost my job as cheif of police. All I did was arrest a PCSO for impersonating a police officer.

What is it about police station stairs that makes black people trip up so often?

It was my kids birthday and he was overjoyed when I told him there was a DS and PC waiting for him. Until I said they had come to arrest him.

I saw a sign at the side of the road earlier, ‘POLICE THERE WAS A FATAL CRASH HERE SUNDAY CAN YOU HELP’ It’s a bit late to be asking for help now. I could have if they had put the signs up a week earlier.